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The Long and Winding Road
Dec. 5th, 2011 10:15 amSunday was a hard day. The entire family stayed all Saturday night, with me, the night-owl of the bunch taking the night watch. I stayed awake in a chair next to Mom's bed, my stepdad, sister, and Mom's sister all slept in chairs and cots in Mom's room, and DK slept on a cot in the family waiting room. By then we'd learned to recognize when Mom was uncomfortable, and I was careful to make sure that as soon as Mom's breathing sounded more labored or her eyebrows creased, I called the nurses for more morphine.
(I did manage to get a forty minute nap just before sunrise, somewhat accidentally, by falling asleep on a bench in the hall with my head pillowed on my hardback book, while the nurse was giving Mom a breathing treatment. My sister and aunt evidently found it most amusing when they woke shortly afterwards and walked by me in the hall on their way to the restroom.)
As the sun rose, with my other family members waking to take over, DK and I headed back to the hotel to get some sleep and shower and shave. When we got back to the hospital around one, Mom was worse. She was more uncomfortable and more awake. They put in a morphine pump in addition to the anti-nausea pump she's on. She continued to deteriorate all afternoon, waking to retch without bringing anything up, then drifting into unconsciousness, only to repeat the cycle. The doctor called in an increase in her anti-nausea and pain meds, and the nurses were fantastic, really caring and kind. I can't say enough good about how lovely they have been to me and my family. Several have told me how much they really like Mom, so they were distressed to see her suffering, too, and did all they could to get her more comfortable.
My stepdad came in around five, just after they'd increased all her meds, and asked for private time with Mom, so DK and I went out and got some dinner. When we got back, Mom was much more peaceful. She was pretty much non-responsive at that point, but given the alternative, that's for the best. Teri, the wonderful RN who has been our guide through all of this (and also has blue hair — we bonded over this) said she thought it was unlikely Mom would regain consciousness, and that she expected the end to come soon.
I was able to spend a little time with Mom alone Sunday night. I told her how much I loved her, and thanked her for all she has done for me. I promised her I would be okay — that I would ache with missing her, but that she would always be within me, a part of the Divine Spark, and that whenever she was ready to return to the source and leave her body behind, it was okay for her to go. I told her that we would meet again, and probably laugh about her having chosen to be the mother and me the son this go-round. then I sang to her: hymns and Christmas songs, and a lullaby.
DK and I spent the night at the hotel. We watched a film — Cars 2 on my laptop, and got a good respite. I've spoken to my sister this morning, who says Mom had a peaceful night and is largely unchanged. Sleeping and in no evident distress. We are heading over there to take the afternoon shift, while other family get some much-needed rest.
Thanks again to all for their love and prayers and support.
(I did manage to get a forty minute nap just before sunrise, somewhat accidentally, by falling asleep on a bench in the hall with my head pillowed on my hardback book, while the nurse was giving Mom a breathing treatment. My sister and aunt evidently found it most amusing when they woke shortly afterwards and walked by me in the hall on their way to the restroom.)
As the sun rose, with my other family members waking to take over, DK and I headed back to the hotel to get some sleep and shower and shave. When we got back to the hospital around one, Mom was worse. She was more uncomfortable and more awake. They put in a morphine pump in addition to the anti-nausea pump she's on. She continued to deteriorate all afternoon, waking to retch without bringing anything up, then drifting into unconsciousness, only to repeat the cycle. The doctor called in an increase in her anti-nausea and pain meds, and the nurses were fantastic, really caring and kind. I can't say enough good about how lovely they have been to me and my family. Several have told me how much they really like Mom, so they were distressed to see her suffering, too, and did all they could to get her more comfortable.
My stepdad came in around five, just after they'd increased all her meds, and asked for private time with Mom, so DK and I went out and got some dinner. When we got back, Mom was much more peaceful. She was pretty much non-responsive at that point, but given the alternative, that's for the best. Teri, the wonderful RN who has been our guide through all of this (and also has blue hair — we bonded over this) said she thought it was unlikely Mom would regain consciousness, and that she expected the end to come soon.
I was able to spend a little time with Mom alone Sunday night. I told her how much I loved her, and thanked her for all she has done for me. I promised her I would be okay — that I would ache with missing her, but that she would always be within me, a part of the Divine Spark, and that whenever she was ready to return to the source and leave her body behind, it was okay for her to go. I told her that we would meet again, and probably laugh about her having chosen to be the mother and me the son this go-round. then I sang to her: hymns and Christmas songs, and a lullaby.
DK and I spent the night at the hotel. We watched a film — Cars 2 on my laptop, and got a good respite. I've spoken to my sister this morning, who says Mom had a peaceful night and is largely unchanged. Sleeping and in no evident distress. We are heading over there to take the afternoon shift, while other family get some much-needed rest.
Thanks again to all for their love and prayers and support.
