Entry tags:
MP: Migraines and The Crazy
Morning pages were supposed to resume yesterday; you may have noticed that they didn't. I've had a headache for three days now, varying in intensity from mildly annoying to OMG go away and let me sleep. Ibuprofen has not touched it, light bothers my eyes, and when it's at its worst, I've had brief dizzy/queasy spells. I've had to resort to afternoon naps every day. Caffeine seemed to help a bit tonight. A couple of friends asked if it was a migraine.
Now let's talk about migraines. I don't get them.
See, when I was a kid, my mom got frequent migraines. They were hellacious things that caused such intense suffering for all around her that when I was a very small child, I thought the words "I have a headache" were sort of like swearwords, and I practiced saying them under my breath and out of earshot of the grownups, and waited for lightning to strike.
When I was six or seven, my mom started seeing a psychotherapist and ultimately worked out that her headaches were caused by anger. Which she had a lot of. I mean, man, if you took all the anger she was using to make headaches, and added it to the anger that just leaked out of her all the time, and the way I was a lightning rod to her Tesla coil of anger... Yeah. So in my mind, migraines are horrible things and a strong sign of the crazy.
I don't have the crazy.
OK, that's a lie. I, like everyone else I know, have a little touch of the crazy. But my crazy does not take the form of anger-induced headaches that make me hurt other people. My crazy takes the form of occasional depressions where I hibernate and get nothing done. It takes the form of rebelling and hiding from the world, and feeling like a terrible person.
Also, for the last several weeks, I have been not at all in a down cycle of the crazy. I've been in a great mood, getting things done, socializing, being productive. (And not doing the housework because I was getting things done, as opposed to not doing the housework because I couldn't scrape up the energy to try.)
I've been blaming this headache on the sinus infection I just finished the antibiotics for. Or maybe it's related to allergies from the mold all the recent rain has bloomed, and the early spring tree pollens. Or maybe it's because of low pressure from the Pacific storm front that is moving in. It feels physical. So it can't be a migraine, right?
Except I'm pretty sure that migraines are physical, and that lots of people get them without it being a sign of the crazy. Also that they tend to run in families. That a lot of headaches that people call sinus headaches are actually migraines. That things like low-pressure fronts can trigger them. And that there are medications that could help. So I'm cautiously wondering if this might be migraine after all. In which case I could, for example, go see a doctor and see if there is possibly something that could help (just as long as it wouldn't involve several years of psychotherapy and a diagnosis of the crazy.)
I don't know, I just really, really wish this headache would go away. It's right in my forehead (thus I was thinking sinus) right behind my eyebrows. It's not a stiff neck, stressed-out sort of headache: those tend to creep up the back of my skull, and I don't get those often at all. This is the kind of headache I usually get, only it's lasting longer than it usually does.
And I suppose the fact that I even have a "usual headache" is a little telling. I almost always blame it on sinus issues. Except, well, my nose isn't particularly clogged and I just finished those antibiotics. And decongestants didn't help any more than the ibuprofen did.
So tell me, readers who are familiar with migraine, does this sound like that? And if so, what the heck can I do about it?
Now let's talk about migraines. I don't get them.
See, when I was a kid, my mom got frequent migraines. They were hellacious things that caused such intense suffering for all around her that when I was a very small child, I thought the words "I have a headache" were sort of like swearwords, and I practiced saying them under my breath and out of earshot of the grownups, and waited for lightning to strike.
When I was six or seven, my mom started seeing a psychotherapist and ultimately worked out that her headaches were caused by anger. Which she had a lot of. I mean, man, if you took all the anger she was using to make headaches, and added it to the anger that just leaked out of her all the time, and the way I was a lightning rod to her Tesla coil of anger... Yeah. So in my mind, migraines are horrible things and a strong sign of the crazy.
I don't have the crazy.
OK, that's a lie. I, like everyone else I know, have a little touch of the crazy. But my crazy does not take the form of anger-induced headaches that make me hurt other people. My crazy takes the form of occasional depressions where I hibernate and get nothing done. It takes the form of rebelling and hiding from the world, and feeling like a terrible person.
Also, for the last several weeks, I have been not at all in a down cycle of the crazy. I've been in a great mood, getting things done, socializing, being productive. (And not doing the housework because I was getting things done, as opposed to not doing the housework because I couldn't scrape up the energy to try.)
I've been blaming this headache on the sinus infection I just finished the antibiotics for. Or maybe it's related to allergies from the mold all the recent rain has bloomed, and the early spring tree pollens. Or maybe it's because of low pressure from the Pacific storm front that is moving in. It feels physical. So it can't be a migraine, right?
Except I'm pretty sure that migraines are physical, and that lots of people get them without it being a sign of the crazy. Also that they tend to run in families. That a lot of headaches that people call sinus headaches are actually migraines. That things like low-pressure fronts can trigger them. And that there are medications that could help. So I'm cautiously wondering if this might be migraine after all. In which case I could, for example, go see a doctor and see if there is possibly something that could help (just as long as it wouldn't involve several years of psychotherapy and a diagnosis of the crazy.)
I don't know, I just really, really wish this headache would go away. It's right in my forehead (thus I was thinking sinus) right behind my eyebrows. It's not a stiff neck, stressed-out sort of headache: those tend to creep up the back of my skull, and I don't get those often at all. This is the kind of headache I usually get, only it's lasting longer than it usually does.
And I suppose the fact that I even have a "usual headache" is a little telling. I almost always blame it on sinus issues. Except, well, my nose isn't particularly clogged and I just finished those antibiotics. And decongestants didn't help any more than the ibuprofen did.
So tell me, readers who are familiar with migraine, does this sound like that? And if so, what the heck can I do about it?